Here’s the scenario.

It’s a shoot day, and I’m getting ready to take a headshot or a business portrait. Everything is set to go and I lift the camera up. Then, I hear something from my client that always makes me a little sad.

OH MY GOSH, I HATE MY _______________! (Insert body part here)

Deep sigh of understanding and compassion. Put the camera back down for a minute.

I get it. I really, REALLY do. One of the reasons I love to be behind the camera is that I don’t have to be part of the picture happening in front of it. Facing up to all those things we have internalized about the way we look is incredibly difficult, even for the most confident among us. My years as a costume designer made me even more sensitive, and sympathetic, to those moments. I’ve seen so many world-class actors crumble into self doubt when faced with a mirror, and it makes my heart hurt. Whether in front of the mirror or in front of the camera, it is so easy to let our insecurities run the show.

But after taking photographs of people for so many years, I have learned first-hand about the difference in what we see in ourselves vs. what others see in us. Here are some things to think about when the camera’s focus is on you, and you’re feeling, well, a little…uncomfortable in your skin:

We really are our own worst critic. The rest of the world sees you with far kinder eyes than you see yourself. Even if there are a few loudmouths out there (tell me their names, I’ll give them a piece of my mind!), the vast majority see a wholistic and complete picture of you that's almost impossible to see from the inside. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say ‘Ugh! My ____ is so _______!’ only to have my staff in the photoshoot say ‘I never even noticed it until you pointed it out!’ and really mean it. Those things you obsess about? If someone else does notice them, they give much less focus, time and judgment to them than you do, and devote their attention to seeing your good stuff. Your insecurities are way less interesting than you as a whole! And if they do dwell on it, you might want to consider revoking their invitation to the party that is your awesomeness. So, I want you to really hear me when I say: It is okay, I promise.

There is a science to making a good photo. Yup, I said making, not taking. Ask anyone who has worked with me: I have ways to help you stand/sit/move that help us get your best shot without feeling awkward or forced. I research and test this stuff ALL THE TIME. That’s my job.

I can fix a lot of things in a way you’d never notice afterward. Eyes not open wide enough? Yup, can fix that a bit. Blemish? Gone. Rogue hair? Yes, absolutely, I do it every day. Wrinkles? Softened. Jawline smoother? Yup. And while that sounds like a lot of Photoshop plastic surgery, remember that 1.) I’m an expert and 2.) I am committed to making your image a photo of you, not some plastic version of you. I practice natural, intuitive retouching. Always.

Consider what’s inside. Your mindset going in will help create a good photo. This is one of those things you have to do for yourself, and it may be hard, but believe me, it shines through in the final shots. Give yourself a pep talk, reflect on the good stuff, let it fill you up, and bring that to the shoot. It really helps! If you need help starting that kind narrative with yourself, check out Louise Hay's bank of affirmations!

One last, important thing. You’re safe with me! It’s okay to feel a little nervous, because I’m not nervous, I do this all the time and I know we will make a great shot. If you’re reading this and I’m not your photographer, don’t worry. Good photographers feel this way and understand. We’re here for one reason – to help you create a picture of yourself that reflects all the terrific things you are. I won’t quit until that happens. So relax. We’ve got this.

You’re beautiful.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s not only in a photo.